I LOVE YOU AND I LIKE YOU

I LOVE YOU AND I LIKE YOU

Jeff Pilger - Pastor of Student  Ministries

Life at the Pilger house gets kind of hectic sometimes.  After the chaos that is putting kids to bed, my wife and I like to throw our tired bodies on the couch and decompress a bit.  Because Asia loves to laugh, and I love to hear her laugh, we'll often fire up Netflix and find the comedies.  Our favorite, far and away, is PARKS AND RECREATION.  As somebody who doesn't gravitate towards comedies, this show has ruined every other comedy for me...It's soooooo good.  

NOTE: Please imagine that I shared a “pastoral-ly" thought about the state of entertainment and sitcom humor and it's use of language.  

In last years' Wedding Episodes on PARKS, I was really moved by the vows the characters Leslie and Ben spoke to each other.  I'm sure my vows would have rocked the attending congregation if they had been written by professional screen writers and script supervisors and a montage of our entire relationship played in black and white while I spoke them.

After Ben spoke his vows, Leslie expresses regret that in the spur of the moment wedding ceremony, her 70-pages of vows were unavailable, but simply speaks these words:

"The things that you have done for me to help me, support me, surprise me, to make me happy, go above and beyond what any person deserves. You’re all I need. I love you and I like you."

For the sake of this blog, please ignore the fact that she's not actually making any vows and that my parents ART OF MARRIAGE class would warn her not to substitute a spouse for God. 

It's the final seven words that speak volumes to me about my relationship with my wife, my children, my extended family and the church.

"I LOVE YOU AND I LIKE YOU"

It's such a simple group of words, but it seems to be completely foreign in my experiences of relationships.  People who love each other generally give the impression that they can hardly stand to be near each other.  I hear people say "I love you" all the time.  In reality though, the same husband who said "I love you" to his wife on the way out of town for the weekend ends up complaining about his wife to a co-worker.  He'd say "I love you" to her face, because that's part of the job description.  When he's talking with others about her, though, I expect to hear "I love her, but..."  

I'm sure I've complained about my children that way: "I love my kids, but I'm going to begin my blog post about how they're tough to settle down for the night".  Perhaps you've heard the pithy comment some people say about the church: "It would be great, if it wasn't for the people."  

Our culture is drenched in sarcasm, cynicism and negativity, and that affects how we relate to each other.  We give encouragement with aloofness.  We give unwarranted criticism without invitation, and we gossip and slander each other without ever giving it a second thought.  It's in this dark and claustrophobic atmosphere our love for each other grows and matures.  It's no wonder that, more often than not, our love comes with condition and only at times of convenience.  

My wife deserves more than begrudging commitment because of vows I spoke almost ten years ago.  My kids deserve more than token attention and affection before bed-time.  My parents and brothers deserve more than a moment of distracted conversation every few weeks, just to stay in touch.  My church deserves more than stubborn, rigid attendance out of obligation.  This so-called love is actually profanity.  “Profane” means to treat a holy place with disrespect or, to make common what is sacred.  To treat those who mean the most to us as if they are common or unwanted is the height of profanity.

I want to live in such a way that people know they are loved and liked.  I am eager to spend time: helping Asia make dinner, because I love her and like being around her and chatting and cooking together; playing Ninja Turtles and playing Hello Kitty! Uno with my kids, because I love them and like seeing their little personalities emerging through play; taking rides with my brother out to the Apple Store at Eastview, just to talk and laugh because I love him and like getting to know him as a friend; serving the pastors, staff and congregation at Journey, because I love them and I like seeing ministry dreams come true, and lives be transformed, and Jesus' grace proclaimed, and God glorified. 

So many people scoff at having 1 Corinthians 13 read at their wedding.  I've heard it called cliché.  If you're a believer, spend some time reminding yourself what that passage of scripture means to your relationships.  You've heard the old phrase before that the longest distance in the world is the space between our head and our heart.  A phrase like this helps to bridge that gap a bit.  It breaks out of the automatic and unemotional "I love you" most of us clinically distribute to those closest to us.  

If you've followed along with this random string of thoughts, thanks.  I love you and I like you.